Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate! I’m very grateful you’re here. Thank you to participants in last month’s poll: 75% of subscribers preferred to read rather than listen to the post, so I’ll stick with that format for now.
I am in the privileged position of speaking English, a language that has become the default middle ground for communication worldwide. As a result, many Americans, myself included, are woefully undereducated in any other language. It’s shameful.
Luckily the rest of the world picks up our slack by placing English signs around their non-English speaking nations to help a tourist out. They didn’t have to do that. I’m grateful, truly.
But allow me to make a suggestion? Outsource the translation to a native speaker. There are too many idioms and other idiosyncratic uses of words to be certain the translation is correct.
Take, for instance, these signs I captured in Paris, France:
The normal English order, ‘See you again soon,’ means someone expects you to come back before too long. ‘See you soon again’ means you already came back before too long and now someone expects to see you soon a second time.
Imagine you’re late to the airport to catch a flight. In your haste to get out of the house, you give your partner a kiss and dash out the door without your car keys. Your partner spots the keys on the kitchen counter but doesn’t tell you (they’re kind of a jerk). They say “See you again soon,” knowing you’ll be back in the next few seconds once you realize you can’t start the car.
When you re-enter the kitchen and grab the keys, this time your partner says, “See you soon again” because you didn’t notice that your passport is on the counter too. Jerk that they are, they know that you will re-enter the kitchen a second time to get the passport. And you know what? Maybe you should break up with them while you’re there because they’re really inconsiderate.
At the café in the Musee d’Orsay, a sign had the correct word order but not precisely the right word:
Given the similarity between the French installer and the English install (known as a cognate), it was a natural translation mistake to make. This time, the translation indicates that the waiter is going to hang you up on the museum wall next to a Monet. Your partner slips the waiter a twenty and lets it happen, and honestly, I don’t know what you ever saw in them.
The mistranslations in France still got their point across, even if they weren’t the way a native English speaker would say it. In China, there were several gradations of translation fail, from minor to incomprehensible. This one at the Three Gorges Dam was placed prominently where there were no trains or train tracks in sight.
Seems to me that the “rail” danger is that English speakers have no idea what might kill them.
Another sign invented an English word of sublime elegance and utility—camival. Who else besides me has stumbled upon a ball pit and thought, this place really makes me think of camels that frolic in the ocean, like a camel carnival. If only there were a word...
Some of the translation fails are comprised of excessively explanatory signs, like these two below from the same ancient temple complex. They ask people to be good humans while visiting the historical landmarks. (They got wind of how poorly your partner treated you at the museum):
And this one:
Unruly mobs of tourists take heed! Civilized citizens only.
On the Great Wall of China:
This one asks that you not hurt yourself too badly while you inspect the officers of your delicate ladder army.
The most delightful signs I’ve found, however, are those translated accurately in language, but not in sentiment. English speakers would never think to describe something in these ways.
This sign keeping it real:
I’m thinking the guy who designed it didn’t advance quickly in his career path.
And this one:
Can you think of any monument in an English-speaking nation that is named by its scent? Like the Empire State Building of the Fragrance of 34th Street Garbage Juice.
Of course, Buddha was special. He sat beneath a fig tree for forty-nine days in his quest for enlightenment and apparently did not suffer any ill body-odor effects. That is quite miraculous. I know people whose fragrance might reach the top of a tower in forty-nine minutes depending on the time of year.
My hands-down favorite sign in China, though, was a translation in an airport bathroom that captured a sentiment familiar to English and non-English speakers alike:
Relieved—I saw what you did there! The cartoon lady’s expression says it all. I’ve never been that pleased to enter a public restroom before, and I had never considered that a bathroom could be heart-warming. It put me in mind of the American habit of saying, “Have a good day.” We don’t really know if you will have a good day or not. We hope you will. In the same way, the author of this sign hoped that I would feel relieved by their bathroom.
I did.
And you know what? It was a really nice thing to say. A lot nicer than that loser who lets you leave the house without your keys and passport.
Hope to see you soon again,
Eileen, the Civilized Citizen
I’d be ever-so-grateful if you would send this to one person that you think might enjoy reading it.
Free Reading
I’ve been enjoying several newsletters in my inbox recently and thought I’d pass them on to you.
For more humor and travel check out Rohan Banerjee’s More Letters, Less News. I especially enjoyed his posts about a hike in the Himalayas and an almost out-of-body experience with some spicy chicken wings.
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Free Books
From author Emily Heid a Gilmore-girl style mother-daughter novel. You’re funny bone will be tickled and your heartstrings will be tugged. If you liked While You Were Sleeping, Nora Ephron movies, or Fredrik Backman’s A Man Called Ove, this book is for you. The Haven Family has been thrown in a Yahtzee cup. Don’t you want to know where they land?
And from author A. L. Billington a young adult comedy adventure dubbed "Terry Pratchett meets Ghostbusters in an RPG world."
Beast Be Gone is a comedic fantasy fiction that follows Eric, a pest control agent in a fantasy world plagued by adventurers who are putting him out of a job.
From Helen J. Darling, a comic novella for fans of Lauren Weisberger and Maria Semple.
Never spam a spammer. When the inevitable spam email from the head of the Central Bank of Nigeria lands in Jane Desmond's inbox, her sense of mischief takes over. Inspired by her father's tradition of annoying the telemarketers who interrupt his dinner, Jane sets out to make her spammer's life miserable.
From Vida Li Sik a devotional to help with anxiety. A journey through the Bible, examining men and women just like us who found their strength in God. They faced their biggest fears and overwhelming odds. Yet, they found comfort through prayer, their relationship with their God and community. May you find the same.
Made me smile, even while standing in line at the DMV.
I never get tired of signs with bad English -- as an English teacher, it reassures me that I have job security (and reduces my angst when I screw up my word order en francais.